Abuse refers to harmful or violent treatment of someone, whether physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or psychological. It can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, workplaces, or institutions. Abuse often involves an imbalance of power, where one person controls, manipulates, or harms another.

Common Types of Abuse:

  1. Physical Abuse – Hitting, slapping, choking, or any form of physical harm.
  2. Emotional/Psychological Abuse – Manipulation, gaslighting, threats, humiliation, or isolation.
  3. Sexual Abuse – Any non-consensual sexual activity, coercion, or exploitation.
  4. Financial Abuse – Controlling someone’s money, stealing, or restricting financial independence.
  5. Verbal Abuse – Insults, yelling, name-calling, or demeaning language.
  6. Digital Abuse – Cyberbullying, harassment, or controlling someone’s online activity.
  7. Neglect – Failing to provide necessary care (common in child or elder abuse).

Signs of Abuse:

  • Unexplained injuries or frequent “accidents.”
  • Withdrawal from friends/family, anxiety, or depression.
  • Changes in behavior (i.e. fearfulness, low self-esteem).
  • Controlling behavior from a partner or caregiver.
  • Unusual financial difficulties or restricted access to money.

What to Do If You or Someone You Know Is Being Abused:

  • Reach out for help – Contact trusted friends, family, or professionals (therapists, social workers).
  • Call a helpline – Many countries have domestic violence or abuse hotlines (e.g., National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S.: 1-800-799-SAFE, In British Columbia: Victim Link BC – 24/7 help line providing crisis support in 130 languages: 1-800-563-0808).
  • Document evidence – Keep records of injuries, messages, or incidents.
  • Seek safety – If in immediate danger, contact emergency services or go to a safe place.
  • Consider legal action – Restraining orders, police reports, or legal counsel may be necessary.

Remember:

  • Abuse is never the victim’s fault.
  • Help is available, and no one deserves to suffer in silence.
  • If you suspect someone is being abused, offer non-judgmental support and encourage them to seek help.

Abuse can have severe and long-lasting effects on mental health, often leading to emotional trauma, psychological disorders, and difficulties in daily functioning. The impact varies depending on the type, duration, and severity of the abuse, as well as the individual’s support system and resilience.

How Abuse Affects Mental Health

  1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    • Flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and severe anxiety triggered by memories of the abuse.
    • Common in survivors of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.
  2. Depression
    • Persistent sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, and suicidal thoughts.
    • Emotional and psychological abuse can erode self-worth, leading to depression.
  3. Anxiety Disorders
    • Generalized anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, or phobias.
    • Survivors may fear future abuse or struggle with trust.
  4. Dissociation & Emotional Numbing
    • Detaching from reality, feeling “outside” the body, or blocking out emotions as a coping mechanism.
    • Common in severe or prolonged trauma (e.g., childhood abuse).
  5. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) & Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)
    • Linked to chronic abuse (especially in childhood), leading to unstable relationships, self-harm, and intense emotional swings.
  6. Substance Abuse & Self-Harm
    • Some survivors turn to drugs, alcohol, or self-injury to cope with pain.
  7. Low Self-Esteem & Shame
    • Abusers often manipulate victims into believing they deserve mistreatment, leading to deep-seated shame.
  8. Trust & Relationship Issues
    • Fear of intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, or falling into abusive patterns again.

Healing from Abuse & Supporting Mental Health

1. Professional Help

  • Therapy: Trauma-focused therapies like EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help process trauma.
  • Support Groups: Connecting with other survivors reduces isolation (e.g., RAINN, domestic violence support groups).
  • Psychiatry: Medication (e.g., antidepressants) may help manage symptoms like depression or anxiety.

2. Safety First

  • If you are in an abusive situation, seek help from hotlines, safe places, trusted safe people, or shelters.
  • If violence occurs and your safety is threatened, call police

3. Rebuilding Self-Worth

  • Affirmations, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that foster confidence.
  • Recognizing that the abuse was not your fault.

4. Legal & Social Support

  • Restraining orders, counselling, or advocacy organizations can provide protection and resources.

Important Resources

In the U.S. (or contact your local hotline if outside U.S.)

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • RAINN (Sexual Abuse Hotline): 1-800-656-HOPE
  • Crisis Text Line (U.S.): Text “HOME” to 741741
  • International Help: Find local helplines through HotPeachPages
  • 911

Final Thoughts

Healing from abuse is a journey, and recovery takes time. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out for help—you deserve support and safety. Mental health professionals, trusted friends, and survivor communities can make a significant difference.

Healing from abuse is a deeply personal journey, and engaging in intentional mental health activities can help rebuild safety, self-worth, and emotional resilience. Here are some of the best therapeutic activities for survivors:

1. Trauma-Informed Therapy Techniques

  • Journaling: Write freely about your emotions, or try structured prompts like:
    “What do I need to forgive myself for?”
    “What boundaries do I want to set moving forward?”
  • Art Therapy: Painting, drawing, or sculpting to express feelings when words are hard.
  • Inner Child Work: Re-parent yourself through comforting activities (e.g., hugging a stuffed animal, writing a letter to your younger self).

2. Grounding Exercises (For Anxiety/Flashbacks)

A. Physical touch

  • 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
  • Cold Water Splash: Triggers the body’s “dive reflex” to calm panic.
  • Warm Drink: Soothes the nervous system.
  • Wrap yourself in a blanket
  • Rub your own shoulders, hands and feet
  • Put your hand on your heart and say, “I believe you, and I’m here with you now”
  • Butterfly hugs
    • Crossing your arms over your chest so that your hands rest just below your collarbones, like butterfly wings.
    • Your fingertips are placed on the upper chest or shoulders.
    • You then alternately tap each hand slowly and rhythmically — left, right, left, right — like butterfly wings flapping.
    • At the same time, you breathe slowly and deeply, often with your eyes closed or gently focused.
    • It’s called a “hug” because it mimics the comforting sensation of holding oneself.
  • Practice: Cross your arms over your chest or wrap them around your shoulders.
  • Purpose: Gives a sense of containment and safety.
  • Boundary Skill: “I can comfort myself. I am allowed to feel.”
    → Great for soothing after conflict or emotional stress.
  • When experiencing stress that you do not need in this moment, place your hands on your body: “I’m so glad you are here, helping me to get ready for danger. Right now, I am safe, and I am going to take care of you. So, you’re welcome to step aside for now and, and I am so relieved to know you will be right there as soon as I need you to protect me”

B. Orienting

  • Practice orienting: Slowly turn your head and eyes to look around the room. Name what you see. Let your body notice it is safe.
  • Purpose: Tells the nervous system there is no immediate threat.
  • Boundary Skill: “I can choose where I put my attention.”
    → Helpful for redirecting from intrusive or overwhelming stimuli.
  • Stand or sit with feet flat on the floor. Press them gently into the ground. Notice the contact points and feel the support beneath you.
  • Push against a wall
    • 1. Provides Physical Sensation and Resistance
      The pressure and resistance of pushing against a solid surface activate proprioception (your sense of your body’s position and movement).
      This creates a strong “here and now” signal to the brain, anchoring the person in their body and surroundings.

      2. Regulates the Nervous System
      Trauma can cause the nervous system to become stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode.
      Pushing helps release excess energy in a safe and controlled way—especially helpful if someone feels agitated or frozen.
      The muscle engagement and breath control it often induces can calm hyperarousal or mobilize hypoarousal (like numbness or dissociation).

      3. Reinforces Boundaries and Personal Agency
      For many trauma survivors, especially those with boundary violations (e.g., abuse), this physical action symbolizes reclaiming space and strength.
      It can subtly re-teach the nervous system what it feels like to set boundaries and resist external pressure.

      4. Simple and Accessible
      It requires no equipment, can be done discreetly, and doesn’t need talking, making it ideal during flashbacks or emotional overwhelm.
  • Purpose: Engages the parasympathetic nervous system and helps bring awareness to the present.
  • Boundary Skill: “I have a right to take up space.”
    → Say this internally as you feel your feet anchored.
  • Try saying “NO” with your whole body language

C. Box Breathing

  • Practice box breathing: Inhale 4 counts → hold 4 → exhale 4 → hold 4.
  • Purpose: Slows the breath, activates the vagus nerve, lowers heart rate.
  • Boundary Skill: “I can pause before I respond.”
    → Use this in moments when you feel pressured or overwhelmed.

D. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

  • Practice : Tense and release muscle groups from head to toe.
  • Purpose: Releases stored tension and signals safety.
  • Boundary Skill: “I release what is not mine to carry.”
    → Use this especially after emotionally charged interactions.

E. Vocal Toning or Humming

  • Practice: Hum gently or use vocal sounds like “mmm” or “ahh.”
  • Purpose: Stimulates the vagus nerve and reduces anxiety.
  • Boundary Skill: “I have a voice. I can use it to protect and express myself.”

F. Shaking or “Trauma Release” Movement

  • Practice: Let your body shake gently—arms, legs, torso—for 30 seconds to 2 minutes or do jumping jacks, run in place, wiggle your whole body, flop on bed, etc.
  • Purpose: Discharges nervous energy and resets the system.
  • Boundary Skill: “I move energy through, not around.”

Why Combine with Boundary Skills?

When your nervous system is calm, it’s easier to:

  • Notice when a boundary is crossed
  • Stay regulated when setting limits
  • Recover from conflict or overstimulation
  • Honor your own emotional and physical needs

Suggested Routine (5–10 min daily)

Say 1 boundary affirmation out loud or journal it

Grounding (1 min)

Box Breathing (1–2 min)

Self-Holding or Humming (1 min)

Shake it out (1–2 min)

3. Somatic (Body-Based) Healing

  • Yoga or Tai Chi: Releases trapped trauma in the body (trauma-sensitive yoga is ideal).
  • Dancing or Shaking: Letting the body move freely to discharge stress.
  • Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and release each muscle group to reduce hypervigilance.

4. Cognitive & Emotional Reprogramming

  • Affirmations: Repeat daily:
    “I am safe now.”
    “My feelings matter.”
    “I am not what happened to me.”
  • CBT Worksheets: Challenge negative beliefs (e.g., “I deserved the abuse”) with evidence.
  • Gratitude Practice: List 3 small joys each day to rewire focus toward positivity.

5. Rebuilding Safety & Control

  • Boundary Practice: Say “no” to small requests to regain autonomy.
  • Safety Plan: Create a plan for emotional triggers or unsafe situations.
  • Comfort Box: Fill a box with soothing items (photos, scents, soft fabrics).

6. Connection & Community

  • Support Groups: Shared stories reduce shame (try The Mighty or Psychology Today listings).
  • Pet Therapy: Animals offer unconditional love and safety.
  • Volunteering: Helping others can restore a sense of purpose.

7. Mindfulness & Nervous System Regulation

  • Breathwork: Try 4-7-8 breathing (inhale 4 sec, hold 7, exhale 8).
  • Nature Therapy: Walk barefoot on grass, listen to birds, or garden.
  • Guided Meditations: Use apps like Insight Timer (search “trauma recovery”).

8. Rhythm & Bilateral Movement

  • Rhythm: A strong, regular repeated pattern of movement or sound
    • Chanting
    • Mantra
    • Music
  • Bilateral Movement: When both limbs are used in unison
    • walking
    • dance
    • yoga
    • Tai Chi
    • Drumming

9. Calming the Nervous System Through Connection

A.Safe, Supportive Touch
Examples: Holding hands, hugs, cuddling, or gentle back rubs with someone you trust.
Why it helps: Releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

B. Eye Contact with a Trusted Person
Gentle, non-threatening eye contact can signal safety to the brain.
Helps re-engage the “social engagement” part of your nervous system.

C. Co-regulation
Definition: Allowing your calm state to sync with someone else’s nervous system.
How: Sit quietly with a calm, grounded friend or therapist. Share slow breathing or a gentle conversation.

D. Speaking and Listening with Warmth
Voice tone matters—soft, melodic voices can soothe.
Talk with someone who listens with empathy and presence.

E. Group Singing or Chanting
Activities like singing, chanting, or humming in a group (or even alone) stimulate the vagus nerve and promote calm.

F. Animal Companionship
Petting a dog or cat, or simply being near a calm animal, can lower heart rate and blood pressure.
Eye contact and mutual affection with animals can feel deeply regulating.

G. Play and Laughter
Playful social interaction reduces anxiety and strengthens connection.
Laughter releases feel-good chemicals like endorphins and helps reset the nervous system.

H. Shared Mindfulness or Movement
Examples: Practicing yoga with others, walking together, or meditating in a group.
Even silent presence in community can feel calming and regulating

Why This Works (Brief Science)

  • Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges): Social connection sends “safety” signals to the brain, downregulating the stress response.
  • Humans are biologically wired to co-regulate—especially in safe, attuned relationships

I. Take a walk or be in nature

When anxious, uneasy
and bad thoughts come, I go to
the sea, and the sea
drowns them out
with its great wide sound,
cleanses me with its noise,
and imposes a rhythm
upon everything in me
that is bewildered and
confused.

Rainer Marie Rilke

Important Notes:

  • Pace Yourself: Healing isn’t linear—some days will be harder than others.
  • Avoid Retraumatization: If an activity feels triggering, stop and self-soothe.
  • Professional Support: Therapists can tailor activities to your needs (e.g., EMDR for flashbacks).
  • Telling somebody to “calm down” is demeaning to them. You are essentially underestimating the situation for them, and basing it on your own feelings.
  • When to Seek Immediate Help

If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or severe dissociation, contact:

  • Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 (U.S.)
  • Your therapist or a trusted person

You deserve peace and healing. 💛